“Leaves”

I sit and I look at the leaves..

We slowly fell in love in the fall. I've watched the leaves turn from green to gold.

Just as I watched the light in your eyes grow, as you fell in love with me.

It's winter now, the leaves are green with brown. Slowly dying.

I sit and I watch the leaves like I watch our love. I sit and I take in the delicacy of the leaves, the sturdiness of the tree trunk, the longevity of all that we could be.

I sit and marvel at the beauty, how far we've come, the years that finally led us back together.

 I wonder why you won't just sit here with me. Look how beautiful, See how stable, Feel how happy we could be.

I sit and listen to the leaves rustle. I sit and relisten to the way you told me your fleeting thoughts. The way you imagine our demise. It hurts, I won't lie. I wish you could just sit with me, take it all in, just let it be.

 I wish you would just sit with me and let this be as real as it feels. But instead you let your fear rustle this love we share.

I sit and take a deep breath. I tell myself I'm not angry, I'm not scared. But I am.

I acknowledged the leaves and their fragility. I wonder if it’s a reflection of us.

Temporary, momentary…. Just a season

I feel my anger honestly the most, angry that I want this so bad.

I see it … I feel it… I need it.

If I'm honest your thoughts breed doubts in my own mind and hate you for it.

I hate that you can't just accept this good thing, I hate that any moment you could just leave.