Celibacy Journal Collection

It feels like my whole reality is deteriorating. There’s so much stress and fear and anxiety all around me I have no idea what to do except the same thing I’ve been doing for years. But it gives me no joy, it feels like a prison. I hate it here.

I hate my reality. And I’m trying to be happy, and that requires once again more change. I can’t stand this, I just want to feel secure. Like there isn’t a crisis to fix at every fucking corner. I can’t stand what’s going on politically, I’m disgusted, i want to just leave everything I know and disappear. I can’t even focus on this stuff that I need to focus on though, for my safety and my sons because I’m dealing with so much bullshit in my personal life.

I absolutely cannot stand this growth era. I hate it. I hate that I’ve been called to do this. I hate that I have no idea what the point of all of this is. I just want to feel secure, I can’t find a person to help me feel that way and I can’t even secure myself. Which means I need to learn to, means I need to start new, start hustling again. I thought it was okay to get comfortable but that’s not what I’m here to do. I’m here to live a full life, connect with others, and heal my soul. I need to grow, I want to become better, I see myself more aware, I know I am becoming stronger, I feel like I am on the incline of my valley, that I’ve been stuck in for so long. I can feel the vibration, I’m trusting my intuition and I’m looking forward.