Chaos

Maybe we’ll stop being “friends” when I feel like I’m worth it like I’m enough. Maybe when I search this whole world and come to terms that this is it. And not like in a negative way like settling but like and understanding…. That I found it … my person… the person who sees me that would fight anyone for me …. That reads my body language in any situation… the person that laughs at all my jokes… that is my best friend…. The person who annoys the shit out of me… the person who makes me step outside my comfort zone… person that knows exactly what I need just by a facial expression… just “ friends” though… because God forbid my soul actually take the easy route. Nope we’re going to go round and round till we get it right …maybe it’s my nature maybe it’s pride… maybe it’s my test in this world… maybe it’s my karma. But I wish I could express fully how painful this is for me. And Ik woe is the wrongdoer but fuck I swear i wrestle and wrestle that dumb bitch inside my head I beg her please let me be able to accept this let me be ready but no matter what she always wins… always gets her way and I anguish internally because I don’t understand why I can’t just have this… and I’ve felt it that feeling and we’ve all felt it maybe briefly maybe suddenly maybe immediately… but for me it was just a vision of peace… but idk how to accept that peace… when my soul chooses chaos.